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ATTENTION OT FAITHFUL!!!

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RifleDude View Drop Down
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    Posted: November/13/2008 at 18:00
I've just now built up the courage to discuss this most humbling of events...
 
On Halloweeen day, Friday, October 31st, I visited SWFA to pick up a new toy that my lovely bride graciously gave me the go-ahead to purchase... at least that's how I interpreted the mumbling noises she made during her sleep.
 
Anyway, I actually met HER MAJESTY, THE OPTICS GODDESS, STEPHANIE (with our greatly reduced emoticon palette following the forum software upgrade, I was unable to find an appropriate emoticon to insert here to properly convey the emotions of this awe-inspiring event), brief though it was!!!!
 
It was a surreal experience!  I was talking to CF and CF2 at the front, when suddenly, CF2 called THE GODDESS to the storefront!  My heart immediately skipped a couple beats!  What would I say?  What shall I do?  Am I worthy of this moment?  What is the proper etiquette in this situation -- should I kneel, bow repeatedly, or what?  I've never been in the presence of royalty before!  After what seemed an eternity passed as I was sweating and shivering in terror mixed with anticipation, I thought I heard the faint sounds of a choir singing in beautiful harmony as an intense light source suddenly illuminated the hallway!  A parade of servants wearing golden armor emerged into view first, waving long palm branches and tossing rose petals onto the floor to form an aromatic carpet of crimson in preparation for HER MAJESTY's arrival.  In due course, I then beheld the faint silhouette of the Golden Optics Chariot, behind the prancing white stallions, a convoy of chirping doves carrying olive branches and Swarovski binoculars in tow.  I could barely make out the whole scene because of the intense white light emanating from the halo surrounding HER MAJESTY's angelic head.  It was as if my eyes weren't meant to gaze upon this scene, my soul lacking the purity to be awarded this supreme honor.  I had to avert my eyes in reverent acknowledgement of my obvious fallibility, as I am but a mere mortal, not a machine.  Time froze, and I was certain even all atomic motion stopped at that fateful moment.  My breathing was labored, as if an unseen hand had extracted the life-giving oxygen from my lungs.  OH THAT MY HEART SHOULD FAIL!!!
 
As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet.  HER royal sceptre in hand, SHE gracefully hovered toward me along the rose-petaled trail and gazed toward my presence.  I dared not make eye contact, for fear HER white-hot, awe-inspiring luminance would melt my corneas, rendering me forever blind.  No words exist that could adequately describe HER other-worldly beauty and grace!  I TRULY WAS NOT WORTHY!  I waited with bated breath of what glorious events may transpire before me during my all-too-brief brush with GREATNESS.
SHE extended her sceptre and stated simply, in a voice simultaneously beautiful and vengeful:  "Forsooth, who is this peasant?!  I command ye -- get thee from MY sight!"  SHE then turned HER liquid eyes toward the invoice from my purchase, a very faint smile forming upon HER glistening ruby lips.  I cowered in reverent admonishment of my inadequacy, contemplating the futility of my very existence.  Though I forthwith slipped out into the balmy Texas night in humbled silence... before I heard the door angrily slam behind me, I faintly heard HER GRACIOUSNESS mutter "Verily, as thou art a faithful servant with thy purchase...petty though it be...when thou doth diest...on thy deathbed...thou shalt receive...total...consciousness."
 
...so, I got that goin' for me... which is nice.
Ted


Money can't buy happiness... but it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
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lucytuma View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lucytuma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 18:09
Holy Sh*t Ted you missed your calling,  that is down right good literature. 
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." - Thomas Jefferson
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 19:12
I think she just came out and hit you between the runnin lights with a stick for not spendin more, and this is what you dreamed.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 19:40
Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

I think she just came out and hit you between the runnin lights with a stick for not spendin more, and this is what you dreamed.





LOL
"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 23:08

“A hunt based only on trophies taken falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be.” – Fred Bear
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dogger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 07:07
Jeezus Ted, brought tears to my eyes just reading that!
 
So as I understand it, you and Carl got "total consciousnes" goin for ya courtesy of the Optics Goddess.
 
I am humbled.


Edited by Dogger - November/14/2008 at 07:08
God save the Empire!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 8shots Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 07:29
Better check your purchase.... maybe that was the light from THE GOLDEN RING reflecting in your eyes!
 
(PS Nice post there Rifledude !)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 3_tens Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 12:39
This is the story from a man that fully understands that she holds the power to really screw with ones orders. Having visited SWFA I fully understand the background of Rifledudes work. The literary work of a true craftsman.   









Edited by 3_tens - November/14/2008 at 12:40
Folks ain't got a sense of humor no more. They don't laugh they just get sore.

Need to follow the rules. Just hard to determine which set of rules to follow
Now the rules have changed again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chris Farris II Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:06

Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

One day your life will flash before your eyes; Make sure it's worth watching.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sgt. D Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:35
Nice composition Dude! But you obviously slipped and hit your head on the way to SWFA after having watched Cinderella with the kids. Try to be more careful when you leave the house, The kids must be leaving skateboards or something just outside the door! But now the truth be known, when I do place an order for my scope. If she answers I will probably forget what I was doing for fear of interupting her Majesty. Bubble Bath
Take care of Soldiers, Show em how its done and do it with em, Run to the Fight & and hold your ground! I die my men go home! If you're a NCO and this ain't you. GET OUT! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:42
Sgt. D
I have also had the pleasure of talking to HER GRACIOUSNESS and not only will she take care of your order, she will enlighten you on how Customer Service is supposed to be done.
Even when your order is heading the other side of the country from where you are, she can and will lasso that critter and get it to you.

By the way!!!   THANK YOU STEPHANIE!!!!

I don't forget good service ever!!!


Edited by Steelbenz - November/14/2008 at 13:44
"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Embarrased
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chris Farris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 14:12
Originally posted by Chris Farris II Chris Farris II wrote:

Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

 
At least you know your role.  Clean up on isle 12 by the way.   CHOP! CHOP!
 
 
edited to correct spelling of roll to role ( I really BigDaddied that one)Bucky


Edited by Chris Farris - November/14/2008 at 20:00
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chris Farris II Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 14:15
Shoot Self
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 16:49
Originally posted by Chris Farris Chris Farris wrote:

Originally posted by Chris Farris II Chris Farris II wrote:

Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

 
At least you know your roll.  Clean up on isle 12 by the way.   CHOP! CHOP!


Well CFII,
remember its painting your truck and letting have toys. learn from the best and maybe your Uncle will promote you to Bagboy!!!


Roll on Floor Laughing 

"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Urimaginaryfrnd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/15/2008 at 15:34
And I was expecting the porn star hottie version of the story. Devil

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote koshkin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/15/2008 at 17:38
Originally posted by RifleDude RifleDude wrote:

As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet. 


Interesting recount of your SWFA visit, Ted.  Just out of curiosity which one of the Chris Farris'es over there was the eunuch? Not that I care; just curious (and please, no pictures).

ILya
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cyborg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/16/2008 at 00:22
Chris Farris I after all Ed got his "FRUIT BASKET"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2008 at 08:13
Laugh Above   Folgers special blend meets Gateway screen and keyboard.
"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RifleDude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2008 at 16:08
Originally posted by koshkin koshkin wrote:

Originally posted by RifleDude RifleDude wrote:

As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet. 


Interesting recount of your SWFA visit, Ted.  Just out of curiosity which one of the Chris Farris'es over there was the eunuch? Not that I care; just curious (and please, no pictures).

ILya
 
Since both of these kind, gracious gents have the ability and ammunition to really get even with me if they chose to do so...
uhhh... neither!Wink
Ted


Money can't buy happiness... but it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
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