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ATTENTION OT FAITHFUL!!! |
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RifleDude
MODERATOR EVIL OPPRESSOR Joined: October/13/2006 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 16337 |
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Posted: November/13/2008 at 18:00 |
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I've just now built up the courage to discuss this most humbling of events...
On Halloweeen day, Friday, October 31st, I visited SWFA to pick up a new toy that my lovely bride graciously gave me the go-ahead to purchase... at least that's how I interpreted the mumbling noises she made during her sleep.
Anyway, I actually met HER MAJESTY, THE OPTICS GODDESS, STEPHANIE (with our greatly reduced emoticon palette following the forum software upgrade, I was unable to find an appropriate emoticon to insert here to properly convey the emotions of this awe-inspiring event), brief though it was!!!!
It was a surreal experience! I was talking to CF and CF2 at the front, when suddenly, CF2 called THE GODDESS to the storefront! My heart immediately skipped a couple beats! What would I say? What shall I do? Am I worthy of this moment? What is the proper etiquette in this situation -- should I kneel, bow repeatedly, or what? I've never been in the presence of royalty before! After what seemed an eternity passed as I was sweating and shivering in terror mixed with anticipation, I thought I heard the faint sounds of a choir singing in beautiful harmony as an intense light source suddenly illuminated the hallway! A parade of servants wearing golden armor emerged into view first, waving long palm branches and tossing rose petals onto the floor to form an aromatic carpet of crimson in preparation for HER MAJESTY's arrival. In due course, I then beheld the faint silhouette of the Golden Optics Chariot, behind the prancing white stallions, a convoy of chirping doves carrying olive branches and Swarovski binoculars in tow. I could barely make out the whole scene because of the intense white light emanating from the halo surrounding HER MAJESTY's angelic head. It was as if my eyes weren't meant to gaze upon this scene, my soul lacking the purity to be awarded this supreme honor. I had to avert my eyes in reverent acknowledgement of my obvious fallibility, as I am but a mere mortal, not a machine. Time froze, and I was certain even all atomic motion stopped at that fateful moment. My breathing was labored, as if an unseen hand had extracted the life-giving oxygen from my lungs. OH THAT MY HEART SHOULD FAIL!!!
As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet. HER royal sceptre in hand, SHE gracefully hovered toward me along the rose-petaled trail and gazed toward my presence. I dared not make eye contact, for fear HER white-hot, awe-inspiring luminance would melt my corneas, rendering me forever blind. No words exist that could adequately describe HER other-worldly beauty and grace! I TRULY WAS NOT WORTHY! I waited with bated breath of what glorious events may transpire before me during my all-too-brief brush with GREATNESS.
SHE extended her sceptre and stated simply, in a voice simultaneously beautiful and vengeful: "Forsooth, who is this peasant?! I command ye -- get thee from MY sight!" SHE then turned HER liquid eyes toward the invoice from my purchase, a very faint smile forming upon HER glistening ruby lips. I cowered in reverent admonishment of my inadequacy, contemplating the futility of my very existence. Though I forthwith slipped out into the balmy Texas night in humbled silence... before I heard the door angrily slam behind me, I faintly heard HER GRACIOUSNESS mutter "Verily, as thou art a faithful servant with thy purchase...petty though it be...when thou doth diest...on thy deathbed...thou shalt receive...total...consciousness."
...so, I got that goin' for me... which is nice.
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Ted
Money can't buy happiness... but it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle. |
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lucytuma
Optics Jedi Knight Joined: November/25/2007 Location: Wisconsin Status: Offline Points: 5389 |
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Holy Sh*t Ted you missed your calling, that is down right good literature.
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"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." - Thomas Jefferson
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BeltFed
Optics Retard Joined: February/12/2008 Location: Ky Status: Offline Points: 22291 |
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I think she just came out and hit you between the runnin lights with a stick for not spendin more, and this is what you dreamed.
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Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Steelbenz
Optics Jedi Knight ROLL TIDE ROLL Joined: January/03/2006 Location: Heart of Dixie Status: Offline Points: 5153 |
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"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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mike650
Optics God Joined: May/14/2006 Location: West of Rockies Status: Offline Points: 14569 |
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“A hunt based only on trophies taken falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be.” – Fred Bear
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Dogger
Optics Jedi Master Joined: January/02/2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Status: Offline Points: 8921 |
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Jeezus Ted, brought tears to my eyes just reading that!
So as I understand it, you and Carl got "total consciousnes" goin for ya courtesy of the Optics Goddess.
I am humbled. Edited by Dogger - November/14/2008 at 07:08 |
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God save the Empire!
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8shots
Optics Jedi Knight Lord Of The Flies Joined: March/14/2007 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6253 |
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Better check your purchase.... maybe that was the light from THE GOLDEN RING reflecting in your eyes!
(PS Nice post there Rifledude !)
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3_tens
Optics Jedi Master Joined: January/08/2007 Location: Oklahoma Status: Offline Points: 7853 |
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Folks ain't got a sense of humor no more. They don't laugh they just get sore.
Need to follow the rules. Just hard to determine which set of rules to follow Now the rules have changed again. |
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Chris Farris II
TEAM SWFA - Admin MODERATOR Joined: August/13/2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3196 |
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Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! |
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One day your life will flash before your eyes; Make sure it's worth watching.
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Sgt. D
Optics Master Extraordinaire Joined: February/20/2008 Location: North Carolina Status: Offline Points: 4525 |
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Nice composition Dude! But you obviously slipped and hit your head on the way to SWFA after having watched Cinderella with the kids. Try to be more careful when you leave the house, The kids must be leaving skateboards or something just outside the door! But now the truth be known, when I do place an order for my scope. If she answers I will probably forget what I was doing for fear of interupting her Majesty.
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Take care of Soldiers, Show em how its done and do it with em, Run to the Fight & and hold your ground! I die my men go home! If you're a NCO and this ain't you. GET OUT! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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Steelbenz
Optics Jedi Knight ROLL TIDE ROLL Joined: January/03/2006 Location: Heart of Dixie Status: Offline Points: 5153 |
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Sgt. D
I have also had the pleasure of talking to HER GRACIOUSNESS and not only will she take care of your order, she will enlighten you on how Customer Service is supposed to be done. Even when your order is heading the other side of the country from where you are, she can and will lasso that critter and get it to you. By the way!!! THANK YOU STEPHANIE!!!! I don't forget good service ever!!! Edited by Steelbenz - November/14/2008 at 13:44 |
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"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Stephanie
Optics GrassHopper Optics Goddess Joined: February/13/2004 Location: Native Texan Status: Offline Points: 1502 |
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Chris Farris
TEAM SWFA - Admin swfa.com Joined: October/01/2003 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 8024 |
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At least you know your role. Clean up on isle 12 by the way. CHOP! CHOP!
edited to correct spelling of roll to role ( I really BigDaddied that one) Edited by Chris Farris - November/14/2008 at 20:00 |
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Chris Farris II
TEAM SWFA - Admin MODERATOR Joined: August/13/2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3196 |
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One day your life will flash before your eyes; Make sure it's worth watching.
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Steelbenz
Optics Jedi Knight ROLL TIDE ROLL Joined: January/03/2006 Location: Heart of Dixie Status: Offline Points: 5153 |
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Well CFII, remember its painting your truck and letting have toys. learn from the best and maybe your Uncle will promote you to Bagboy!!! |
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"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Urimaginaryfrnd
MODERATOR Resident Redneck Joined: June/20/2005 Location: Iowa Status: Offline Points: 14964 |
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And I was expecting the porn star hottie version of the story.
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"Always do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do". Bobby Paul Doherty Texas Ranger |
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koshkin
MODERATOR Dark Lord of Optics Joined: June/15/2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 13182 |
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Interesting recount of your SWFA visit, Ted. Just out of curiosity which one of the Chris Farris'es over there was the eunuch? Not that I care; just curious (and please, no pictures). ILya |
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cyborg
Optics God Gaseous Clay Joined: August/24/2007 Location: North Georgia Status: Offline Points: 12288 |
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Chris Farris I after all Ed got his "FRUIT BASKET"
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With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other
An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects. OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause. Cyborg |
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Steelbenz
Optics Jedi Knight ROLL TIDE ROLL Joined: January/03/2006 Location: Heart of Dixie Status: Offline Points: 5153 |
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Folgers special blend meets Gateway screen and keyboard.
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"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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RifleDude
MODERATOR EVIL OPPRESSOR Joined: October/13/2006 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 16337 |
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Since both of these kind, gracious gents have the ability and ammunition to really get even with me if they chose to do so...
uhhh... neither!
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Ted
Money can't buy happiness... but it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle. |
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