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Stephanie
Optics GrassHopper
Optics Goddess
Joined: February/13/2004
Location: Native Texan
Status: Offline
Points: 1502
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:12 |
Bigdaddy0381 wrote:
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!" |
lol.........
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Bigdaddy0381
MODERATOR
Georgia peach
Joined: February/27/2007
Location: Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 13682
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:14 |
Dear Mrs. Jones, I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in. Sincerely, Mrs. Smith
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P&Z Firearms , Pro gun cleanings and gun repair and wood refinishing.
Ecclesiastes 10:2
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pyro6999
Optics Retard
OT TITAN
Joined: December/22/2006
Location: North Dakota
Status: Offline
Points: 22034
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:19 |
right!!!
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They call me "Boots" 375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead"
343 we will never forget
God Bless Chris Ledoux "good ride cowboy"
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Stephanie
Optics GrassHopper
Optics Goddess
Joined: February/13/2004
Location: Native Texan
Status: Offline
Points: 1502
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:26 |
That kind of happen to my brother different story. Kid can draw some crazy stuff.
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Bigdaddy0381
MODERATOR
Georgia peach
Joined: February/27/2007
Location: Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 13682
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:27 |
Stephanie wrote:
That kind of happen to my brother different story. Kid can draw some crazy stuff. |
Do tell !! your queen'ness
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P&Z Firearms , Pro gun cleanings and gun repair and wood refinishing.
Ecclesiastes 10:2
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Ick
Optics Professional
ICK, Ed's BOY
Joined: October/08/2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 817
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 13:30 |
Stephanie,
I just assumed it was your kid that drew that picture. Guess I have to watch I don't jump to conclusions. I guess the lowes part of the story doesn't jive since you never worked there?
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--
Ick, Ed's boy,www.ick.bz
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Stephanie
Optics GrassHopper
Optics Goddess
Joined: February/13/2004
Location: Native Texan
Status: Offline
Points: 1502
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 15:17 |
Oh no, not mine. We're still working on coloring between the lines. If he could do that I would be asking the teacher who she paid to draw that.
Edited by Stephanie - January/23/2009 at 15:19
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cheaptrick
MODERATOR
Joined: September/27/2004
Location: South Carolina
Status: Offline
Points: 20844
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 15:42 |
Bigdaddy0381 wrote:
Dear Mrs. Jones, I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in. Sincerely, Mrs. Smith |
I think we should all do our part and help support
"working mothers".......
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If at first you don't secede...try..try again.
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cyborg
Optics God
Gaseous Clay
Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12288
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Posted: January/23/2009 at 23:36 |
Yessuh!!!! She has my full unflagging support.
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With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other
An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects.
OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause.
Cyborg
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300S&W
Optics God
Joined: January/27/2008
Location: Burlington,WV
Status: Offline
Points: 10592
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 06:55 |
GOOD MORNIN' people! What's happenin?
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard
God of no Chihuahua
Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 24225
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 10:58 |
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rifle looney
Optics Master
Joined: November/21/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 2553
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 11:18 |
As for the above pic of the nice mom can any of you computer techs make that post virtual?......lol
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budperm
Optics Retard
show me your sheep!!
Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 31710
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 23:19 |
This explains life!
On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years..' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go in to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family . For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading". --Thomas Jefferson
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budperm
Optics Retard
show me your sheep!!
Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 31710
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 23:22 |
I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!!!! LAS VEGAS CHURCHES ACCEPT GAMBLING CHIPS!!!
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ?
GOTCHA! | |
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading". --Thomas Jefferson
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rifle looney
Optics Master
Joined: November/21/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 2553
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 23:23 |
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budperm
Optics Retard
show me your sheep!!
Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 31710
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 23:32 |
Man does this ring true or what!!!
Two (2) of the most dangerous chemicals known to man...
zero tolerance and political correctness.
NEVER MIX THEM TOGETHER!
Where has our common sense gone?
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. 1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2007 - Pedro's case is taken up by the state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover fire crackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1957 - Ants die. 2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him. 1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy .
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading". --Thomas Jefferson
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budperm
Optics Retard
show me your sheep!!
Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 31710
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Posted: January/24/2009 at 23:38 |
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading". --Thomas Jefferson
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard
God of no Chihuahua
Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 24225
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Posted: January/25/2009 at 07:29 |
" Boy, that Pedro can really mow a lawn! "
" (.....yes, and that is not all that Pedro can do!!...........) "
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rifle looney
Optics Master
Joined: November/21/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 2553
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Posted: January/25/2009 at 10:00 |
Good morn all....... sipping coffee and reading posts, looks like rain today?
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cyborg
Optics God
Gaseous Clay
Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12288
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Posted: January/25/2009 at 11:07 |
Ed Connelly wrote:
" Boy, that Pedro can really mow a lawn! "
" (.....yes, and that is not all that Pedro can do!!...........) "
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You mean like getting his butt kicked?
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With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other
An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects.
OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause.
Cyborg
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