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Too close to true to be THAT funny |
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budperm
Optics Retard show me your sheep!! Joined: January/01/2009 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Offline Points: 31710 |
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Posted: February/12/2009 at 13:30 |
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AS more and more companies lay-off workers this gets less and less funny!
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Dear employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much sh*t (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of sh*t it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough sh*t, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the sh*t you can handle. Sincerely, The Management |
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson |
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cyborg
Optics God Gaseous Clay Joined: August/24/2007 Location: North Georgia Status: Offline Points: 12288 |
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This was the company policy where I worked.
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With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other
An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects. OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause. Cyborg |
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budperm
Optics Retard show me your sheep!! Joined: January/01/2009 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Offline Points: 31710 |
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Yeah, Things at Black & Decker are starting to get bad, If the USA doesn't start building new things soon I am afraid that will be B&D! Industrial power tools sales are way down!
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson |
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anweis
Optics Master Joined: January/29/2006 Status: Offline Points: 1148 |
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How about 50 million electric cars and trucks, 50 nuclear power plants, 20 million wind turbines, and 100 million solar panels installed on every house, schoolhouse, outhouse, and doghouse in the country?
How about a new Eisenhower plan, only this time with high speed trains instead of interstate highways, and sidewalks, bike trails, and mass transit light rail in every town and city over 100,000 people?
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anweis
Optics Master Joined: January/29/2006 Status: Offline Points: 1148 |
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budperm
Optics Retard show me your sheep!! Joined: January/01/2009 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Offline Points: 31710 |
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson |
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anweis
Optics Master Joined: January/29/2006 Status: Offline Points: 1148 |
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The solar stuff is only going to get better and cheaper. The research has only began.
We need the nuclear power plants because they are cleaner than coal and make plenty of energy when there is no wind and sun - and to power the trains.
How about this one: a refrigerator sized hydrogen fuel cell in your basement, that provides electricity, hot water, heating, and cooling? Sounds crazy? There is an Italian company that wants to start building them and selling them in USA.
As far as Detroit goes, i am not the least sorry for Rick Wagoner (CEO). We should have had his head on a silver platter already. But i wish that they could manufacture this:
At 100,000 manufactured per year, they would cost less.
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budperm
Optics Retard show me your sheep!! Joined: January/01/2009 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Offline Points: 31710 |
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I actually like the fuel cell idea but don't like the hydrogen's explosiveness. Hydrogen storage would be a pain for the average consumer.
If they would license the lithography process and build a few more manufacturing plants, we could put grid based solar systems in the 3-5KW range on every house in no time. The would just about wipe out residental power requirements from other sources. It will never happen cause they couldn't make money that way.
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson |
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