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Chief Sackscratch

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/01/2012 at 14:59
An ACLU lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.

If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says,

"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jerry Stiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 07:27
A father brought a robot it slaps if anybody lie's and the son came home 
Father : where were you yesterday?
Son: college (Robot slaps)
Son: A friend's home
Father:what you were doing?
Son: watched a movie.
Father: what movie?
Son:Action movie (Robot slaps)
Son:porn movie(cried)
Father: I have never watched a porn movie at your age (Robot slaps)
Mother: ha ha he is certainly your son.(Robot slaps)

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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 07:41
Ahhh a tri-fecta! Excellent
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 14:18
FOR SALE
Slightly used ROBOT
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 15:30
Hmmmmm, Wonder if thats anything like a slightly used sheep???
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stickbow46 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 16:21
Speaking of which,Where does Virgin Wool come from ?
 
Ugly sheep.............


Edited by stickbow46 - June/14/2012 at 15:24
Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 16:35
All sheep are beautiful!!!....from the backside! Whistling
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/08/2012 at 16:37
    er....I meant in hindsight!  Embarrased
 
 
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Alan Robertson Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/11/2012 at 09:43
"Garg'n uair dhuisgear"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/13/2012 at 11:57
On January 9 a group of Georgia bikers were riding west on I-81 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.

The leader, Brandon a squat burly slightly overweight man of 43, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, Brandon gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper. Then he says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you
're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"
 
After a third kiss, the onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed...


Edited by budperm - June/14/2012 at 07:49
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Chief Sackscratch

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 07:39
ExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellent
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 07:48
OOPs just thought of a bettter ending....
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stickbow46 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 15:29
Get Your Popcorn Ready
Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 15:46
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who
owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.


Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying son of a [beeep] told you I was speeding,too
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 15:48
One day, a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill and the barber replied: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank-you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up, there is a thank-you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank-you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business, and Becoming More Successful".

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill, the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 15:51
The new international symbol for marriage
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bugsNbows Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 16:07
Originally posted by SVT_Tactical SVT_Tactical wrote:

The new international symbol for marriage



LOL. That's cute.
If we're not suppose to eat animals...how come they're made of meat?
               Anomymous
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stickbow46 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/14/2012 at 22:43
ExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellent
Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/15/2012 at 09:01
Originally posted by SVT_Tactical SVT_Tactical wrote:

The new international symbol for marriage
It's not funny when it's true.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bigdaddy0381 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/15/2012 at 09:23
P&Z Firearms , Pro gun cleanings and gun repair and wood refinishing.

Ecclesiastes 10:2
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bigdaddy0381 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June/15/2012 at 09:30
P&Z Firearms , Pro gun cleanings and gun repair and wood refinishing.

Ecclesiastes 10:2
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/19/2018 at 15:54
Such a great thread, ............. BACK TO THE TOP!
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Son of Ed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2018 at 06:41
Originally posted by Jerry Stiller Jerry Stiller wrote:

A father brought a robot it slaps if anybody lie's and the son came home 
Father : where were you yesterday?
Son: college (Robot slaps)
Son: A friend's home
Father:what you were doing?
Son: watched a movie.
Father: what movie?
Son:Action movie (Robot slaps)
Son:porn movie(cried)
Father: I have never watched a porn movie at your age (Robot slaps)
Mother: ha ha he is certainly your son.(Robot slaps)



Image result for italian job noel coward






Visit the Ed Show
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/28/2018 at 18:16
Fish to Live, Live to Hunt
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Peddler Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/28/2018 at 19:41
Originally posted by Bigdaddy0381 Bigdaddy0381 wrote:





It must have been PeeWee Herman😂💥.🤑
When you are dead, you don't know you are dead.It is difficult only for others.

It is the same when you are stupid.
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